Disability Awareness through Writing, Speaking and Ministry

Introduction

 This paper comes from my heart. In preparation for writing this paper, I have taken time to be alone, reflect, hang out with God, and ask myself some difficult questions. I have laughed, cried, and wrestled with myself during this process, and I believe I have become a better man for it.

 I had a vision during the third week.

 I’m sitting by a gate looking out over a field. As I survey the field, I notice the high grasses, people caught up in the weeds or the mud, and other pitfalls such as holes, barbwire, and blockades. The crying and weeping is overwhelming. Off to one side, I spot a little boy in a wheelchair. His hands are folded, his head is bowed, and I hear his small voice:  “Please Jesus, send help.”

 With a tear in my eye, I feel a touch on my shoulder. It’s Jesus and he tells me that it’s time. He is going to answer the little boy’s prayer…he is going to send me. All my work, all my times with the Lord, all my experiences, and all my knowledge has led me to this moment, and it’s time to go.

 I’m scared. I don’t know where start. My mind is filled with questions such as:

 What if I’m not ready?

 What if I don’t have the answers?

 What if I can’t do this?

 What if…

 I turn around and see Jesus. He knows what I’m thinking. He takes me into his arms and I weep. Through my tears, I look back and see the road I had just traveled. I see my experiences, and I remember my friends who got me here. I recall how I got to this place, and I realize I was born for such as time as this. As my loud cries turn into a quiet whimper, I remember…

 My General Philosophy of Life

 In his book First Things First, Stephen Covey challenges his readers to discover their True North Principles. True North Principles, he says, are what guide your life. Just like sailors can find their way back on course by finding the North Star, people can use their True North Principles to guide their lives.

 When I discovered my True North Principles, I learned how to keep my life in perspective. As I began to explore my life’s philosophy, I went back and revisited those principles. As a Christian, my True North Principles come from the Word of God. I am a child of God and a follower of Christ. I may have a disability, but that does not matter to God. He gave me a mission to fulfill. To help me stay on track, I rely on four verses from the Bible.

1)      “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” (Deuteronomy 6:5) My relationship with God comes first. When I am right with God, I am right with others and myself.

2)      “The LORD said to him, ‘Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD?’” (Exodus 4:11) When I found this verse years ago, I was questioning my disability and why I had it. I believe this is God’s answer. He created me, ordained my unclear speech and set me apart for a mission. Whenever I get off track from my mission, I’m usually frustrated with something related to my disability and have to come back to this verse.

3)      “And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14). I live in an important time in history. Never before has someone with a disability been able to participate in society to the fullest. I’m alive at this point in history to help people understand that people with disabilities have a place in God’s plan, too.

4)      “I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go. Then he said to him, ‘Follow me!’" (John 21:18-19) Recently, my disability has made life more difficult. I have noticed it takes me more time to do something, my body hurts more, and I’m a lot less patient with myself. This verse reminds me that life is hard. In my younger days, I may have done things faster but was I following Jesus? Today, I must accept that my disability is my cross and follow Jesus.

 As these verses indicate, my disability plays an important role in how I view my life. I think I didn’t want to use my disability as an excuse for many years and I don’t, but I now know that it is a big part of my life. I cannot deny it like a woman can’t deny her sex or a black man can’t deny his race. I can, however, recognize it as being apart of me and realize it plays an important part in my life.

 I believe I was designed for a special purpose and that God ordained my disability. He uses it to bring me closer to Him and hopefully bring other people into relationship with Him, too. I believe I’m alive today because God is fulfilling His plans. Part of His plan is to bring people with disabilities into the Kingdom of God, and I am one of his servants for this part of the plan.

It’s humbling to know this, and my life’s philosophy is being a servant of God knowing I’m a small part of His plan. Life is also to be enjoyed, and I value my free time, family, friends, sports, and fun times. I need to keep this in focus and remember that life is more than work, study, and service.

 No one can live life without relationships. How we deal with those relationships says a lot about our ethics and values. I live for relationships. I have to. I rely on people to get me up, get me dressed, take me places, among other things. I wish I could see every person who comes into my life as someone who was sent by God, but I’m not there yet. Maybe it’s a far-out goal, maybe it’s impossible, but the truth is that I often get frustrated when people let me down. I don’t see the Lord when the aide pulls my arms or when Metro Mobility forgets to pick me up. In my better moments, I understand that “all fall short of the glory of God” and it’s just a fact that people are going to let me down, but it’s hard ¾ if not impossible ¾ to live all the time in that mindset.

I have lots of patience, and sometimes even that gets me in trouble. I can wait for hours for someone to help me when I just have to speak up and ask for some assistance. I need to remember that I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help and that the worst that can happen is that someone would say “No”.    

 My Ethical Standards and Values

 God comes first in my life. I value the time I spend with Him in worship, prayer, study and song. I play a lot of music and just sit and soak it in. I value worship with my church on Sunday mornings and with friends during the week. Sometimes I think about staying home on a Sunday morning and just worship by myself, but I realize that I do that every other morning. Sundays need to be different, so I must attend church unless I’m sick or out of town.

 I value hard work. I try to do everything for myself. I have tried to do everything for myself (including making spaghetti and shaving) over the years, but I have given most of that stuff up and let others do them for me. As long I know in my heart I can do those tasks if I needed to, I’m happy. I know I have more important things to do, and my ethical values tell me to accomplish my mission and leave the rest.

 I value doing my work myself. I will complete my projects, no matter how long it takes. Time is not an issue to me. I have sixteen hours a day to work. During those hours, I have plenty of time to get things done. I take the responsibility of doing my own writing/editing, reading, and other business duties. When I need help, I ask for it.  I may be slow and I take longer to complete a project, but I am proud of myself when I finish it.

 My thinking on this has been challenged in recent years. As I grow older, my mind thinks like a 35 year-old…fast and at full speed…but my body feels much older. I have to rest a lot, and that frustrates me. I am finding that I have to listen more to my body and had to add in a new value/ethic to my life. I value my body and must listen to it when it hurts or gets tired. When that happens, I must rest.

 I value my family, friends, and other people who help me. I don’t and will never take them for granted. Each has a role in my life, and I will always honor those roles. Even as a teenager, I would not ask my brothers to help me with my personal care. That was not their job in those days, and I try to stand by this standard to this day. My brother did help me at a conference once, and we’ll need to work something out if we ever go on vacation together. I will have the same standard if I ever get married.

 Some of my friends are willing to help me change out of my suit after church or help me go to bed if we are out late, but I always make sure they are okay with it first. I also spread my needs to different friends. I never ask a friend to help me with something more than once or twice a week. For example, my friend Dan took me to church and hockey practice yesterday. If I need to call for help later this week, I will not call Dan. He helped me yesterday and will get me for church next week, so he has done his  “duty” for this week. I have many friends in my address book, and I’ll contact one of them for assistance. And of course, I always say “thank you” when anyone does anything for me.

The last value/ethic I think is worth mentioning is money. I had holes in my pockets in my younger days, but I’m getting better about controlling my spending. After my Dad passed away I received some additional money and therefore I feel I’m able to set better limits. My ethics tell me to put ten percent in savings, give ten percent to my church, and live on the rest. I have never been able to live that way before until just recently, and it feels good to do that.

 I also know that since I’m in ministry higher standards are expected. I value paying my bills on time, not going into debt, and rarely asking for loans. Even though I know I have sources to pay for most things, sometimes I will pay out of pocket rather than expecting someone else to pay the bill. This is an area where I need to grow in, and I pray God will convict me on this.

 Relations of My Ethics to Personal Growth and Development

I love to collect quotes, and two quotes come to mind here:

 “I want to be the person who my dog thinks I am.”

 “I may not be the man I want to be, but I thank God I’m not the man I used to be.”

 These two quotes give me an anchor to hang my ethics on. They remind me I need to continue to grow. They also cheer me on and give me something to inspire to. As I think about my goals, I ground them on my True North Principles and these two quotes.

 In my personal life, I need to be more assertive and be able to tell people what I need and how to do it. When I know something is not right, I need to speak up and fix it. I cannot let people make decisions for me, and I must be able to take the leadership role. I am able to do this with my dog, and I need to do the same with people.

 Relations of My Ethics to Personal Career Ambitions and Plans

 My professional goal is to run Mephibosheth Ministry’s church relations department with high ethical standards and to the glory of God. I recently realized this has been my calling ever since I wrote disability awareness articles in high school and college, and now I’m going to do the same work for God’s Kingdom. I am in awe at the Lord’s plan and how He has led me all these years to this calling.

 As I work in ministry, I need to use the same tools and values that I used when I did disability awareness in my younger days. I know this stuff, and I need to use my experiences in this job.

 Relations of My Ethics to Professional Conduct

 As someone who works in ministry, I need to have a higher standard than the typical guy. My mentor recently warned me of this. She also said she trusts me and that is why she chose me to be her partner in ministry. This scares me to death, and it’s only by the grace of God that I will be able to do this.

            Being in ministry doesn’t mean someone has good ethics. We all know the stories. I always want to and need to go back to my True North Principles and get back to the basics, my ethics are basic and simple, and with God’s help I will be able to conduct myself with the highest of standards. I don’t expect anything less from myself.

 Action Plan: Applying my Life Philosophy and Ethical Standards

 I live a simple life. I have simple values and ethics. That’s what I want and what I believe God wants for my life. I want to always follow my True North Principles and I strive for even higher ethics that what I have written here. As much as I want to do this, I realize I can only do it with the help of God and His grace. I am terrified I will make an unforgivable mistake and everything I’ve written in this paper is nothing more than a dream. The Lord is the only one who keeps me going, and maybe that’s the way it needs to be. I give my life to the Lord on a daily bases.

 Conclusion

…I wipe a final tear from my eye. Jesus has just shown that I am ready for this job and that I have nothing to fear. I still hear the crying and see the mud, but I know God is with me and always will be. My ethics and my values will serve me well as I serve him and his people.

I turn around and find that little boy who is crying.

 Epilogue 

As I worked on this paper these last few weeks, things happened in my life I wasn’t expecting. Emotions came out. I spent a lot of time in prayer asking deep questions about myself, and I experienced things I had no idea was out there. My van was in an accident that I could have prevented and, as I write this, I am having a hard time believing I’m an ethical person or that I really can do this ministry.

 Some say that when you write a paper like this and look deep inside yourself that is when Satan attacks. If that is true, I’m feeling those attacks today. I feel I have just come from a battle and need to heal some wounds. “He makes me lie down in green pastures,” the psalmist wrote, and I think I’ll need to take Him up on that. 

 I was expecting to wrap this paper with me obeying Jesus and helping that little boy, but I guess life doesn’t work that way. This paper forced me to look at places where I didn’t want to look, ask questions that I didn’t want to ask, and experience things I didn’t want to experience, some of it is written in this paper and some needs to remain between God and me.

 Am I a better person for having written this paper? I hope so. As I quoted earlier: I just want to be the person my dog thinks I am.